Crafterworld Eldar by Mat Ward?

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Crafterworld Eldar by Mat Ward?

Post by The Eldar Guy on Tue Mar 22, 2011 9:20 pm

So apparently Mat Ward is writting the new fluff for the Craftworld Eldar codex. Here's the leak:

>Altharius, which meant in the ancient inscrutible eldar tongue THe Most Elegant of Nobility in The Arts of Graceful Warfare and Majestic Pottery pointed his elegant weapon at the apish space marines, the squad ripped apart by a graceful hail of deadly shuriken fire, the advanced psycho reactive monomolecular wraithbone edges ripped apart their crude armor like a swarm of vengeful wraithbees defending their spirithoney from the starbears of ancient eldar mythology.

>Still for every crudely clad clunky stupid clumsy monkey marine killed, a dozen swarmed in to take its place. Their clumsy boxcars puttered slowly towards the elegant firing lines of the most ancient eldritch elegant Eldar, blown away by graceful deadly brilliant lances of energy from the vengeful lances of the glorious guardian squad Thethaliusomis which meant in the ancient Eldar tongue The Squad of Most Righteous Invincible Unwavering Noble Craftsmen Who Craft Death as Elegantly As Their Earthenware.

>Altharius danced gracefully through the clumsy bolts belched by the marine's crude gun, if such a clumsy device could even be called a weapon, dispatching one after another with elegant sweeps of his monomolecular finely crafted gem encrusted graceful blade made from the psychoreactive wraithbone, testament to the Eldar psychic and technological mastery.

>A stray bolt shell farted through the air and struck Altharius upon his noble chest, but the amazing psycho reactive wraithbone armor of the Eldar which was as flexible as the most sheer silk elegantly shifted and hardened harder than the hardest of hardturtles of ancient Eldar mythology to deflect the crude monkeyshot, veering it into the face of another clumsy marine standing beside him.

>Altharius then somersaulted through the air dancing across the sky like the great elegant hunting falcons of Eldar mythology and in his descent his elegant heel caved in the helmet of one of the crude armor clad monkeys and used the building momentum to spin cartwheeling towards the leader of the marines, a great ugly brute with crooked teeth and a lazy eye and ruddy wrinkly skin his crude armor garishly covered in seals and with the crudely banged out symbol of his clumsy god emperor scrawled upon his crude armor. The simple creature's dumb farm animal eyes widened in fear as the spinning whirlwind of eldritch ancient elegant destruction spun towards him and in a graceful flash of majestic advanced wraithbone he was cut cleanly in two by the elegant gem encrusted monomolecular edge. Its kidneys, backup kidneys, secondary kidneys, and delux double black kidneys all fell out of his body with a disgusting ploop.

>Their leader dead, the marines hopped back into their boxes and puttered away, but there would be no escape for the crude monkeys as their clumsy retreat was cut apart by an elegant hail of deadly monomolecular shuriken discs and graceful lances of light that cut through the air like the legendary glowwyrms of eldar mythology which once aided The Ancient Mythological Eldar God Vaul as he got lost in the spiritwoods in the legendary mythologies of the eldar's ancient past.

>Altharius was glad the war was over and looked forward to returning to walking the graceful path of the potter which staved off the temptations of slaanesh but he walked a razor's edge between indulgence and the trappings of the path which the brilliant eldar mind could fall to such was the tragedy of his people.
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Re: Crafterworld Eldar by Mat Ward?

Post by Vycem on Tue Mar 22, 2011 9:28 pm

Hahahahah

Seriously, where did you find that? That's so awful it almost loops back around to being awesome.

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Re: Crafterworld Eldar by Mat Ward?

Post by The Eldar Guy on Tue Mar 22, 2011 9:35 pm

4chan /tg/. even my girlfriend couldn't help but crack up. Razz
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Re: Crafterworld Eldar by Mat Ward?

Post by zephel on Tue Mar 22, 2011 9:40 pm

Its like using amaing details for eldar then he swapped out with a five year old to diss the space marines. But wait, that means that a eldar codex might come out?
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Re: Crafterworld Eldar by Mat Ward?

Post by The Eldar Guy on Tue Mar 22, 2011 9:46 pm

Its a joke Razz
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Re: Crafterworld Eldar by Mat Ward?

Post by zephel on Tue Mar 22, 2011 10:06 pm

T_T you make me cry chris you really do T_T
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Re: Crafterworld Eldar by Mat Ward?

Post by The Eldar Guy on Tue Mar 22, 2011 10:26 pm

I'd drop eldar if mat ward wrote the codex.
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Re: Crafterworld Eldar by Mat Ward?

Post by ImAShakiraholic on Wed Mar 23, 2011 3:07 am

I'd play more Eldar if they has Phill Kelly give more Heavy support choices. LOL @ 4th ed chaos dex.

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Re: Crafterworld Eldar by Mat Ward?

Post by aosol on Wed Mar 23, 2011 9:37 am

This is rich. It reads like the ghost of Christmas past from ATHF.

Eldar still suck, in a big way.
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